It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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