I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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