shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
