thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
