i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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