You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
