I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
