How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
