Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
