im drinking this country out of the recession.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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