u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
