Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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