Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
