my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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