Kiss
Puke
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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