that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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