I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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