My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
