i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
