HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
