I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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