Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
