The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
