I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
