yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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