does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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