i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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