My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
