end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
