he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
