We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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