he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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