who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
