Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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