Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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