dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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