If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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