he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
