This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
