I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
