I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
