take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
where are my eyebrows?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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