i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
