The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
