I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
