I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
