apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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