its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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