The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
