I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
