Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
