508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
