Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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