I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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