he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
