so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize