i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
