i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
