he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
