I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You pole danced in your parka.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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