I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
