Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
