at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
