He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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