The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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