For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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