apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
