In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
