I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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