so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
