____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
