I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
