I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
