i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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