Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
