Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
