whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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