take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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