your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
