This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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