fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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